Write to the heart
by Lady Kiddymonster
Summary: Warning; this story contains possible spoilers! Edith is debating whether to take up the newspaper column she has been offered. She confides in Isobel who gives her an idea to win Anthony back. This is an edited republished version.
1. Chapter 1

**Write to the heart**

**Warning; this story contains possible spoilers**! **Edith is debating whether to take up the newspaper column she has been offered. She confides in Isobel who gives her an idea to win Anthony back.**

Chapter one

"Mrs Crawley is here to see you, Lady Edith," Carson said.

"Thank you Carson; please show her in and perhaps we might have some tea?"

"Very good, my lady; I shall see to it." Carson left the room.

Isobel Crawley entered the room and Edith smiled at her.

"Do make yourself comfortable, Cousin Isobel; I have asked Carson for some tea."

"Oh I'm parched; tea would be very welcome."

"That's what I thought," Edith smiled sadly, "So how is it going with the fallen women?"

"Some of them are getting there slowly and surely but others don't think they deserve help because they're so far gone; it's very rewarding work, Lady Edith. In fact the main reason I have come is to see if you were maybe interested in helping me out a couple of days a week."

Carson brought in and poured the tea."

"Thank you Carson." Edith smiled. He bowed and left the room.

"So how about it?" Isobel asked, "It will keep you busy."

Edith sighed; first Violet now Isobel. Edith knew it was because they cared but she knew it would not keep Anthony Strallan out of her mind; she had cried herself to sleep every night since he had walked away from their wedding. None of them realised that she loved him with all her heart and she missed him so much it hurt and had they realised they probably wouldn't care, she thought bitterly. It would have been different if Matthew had walked out his wedding to Mary; everyone would have done their utmost to get them back together. The injustice rankled further because Matthew had come back from the war injured and for months it had been feared he would never walk again but he had regained the use of his legs but there was no chance of Anthony regaining the use of his right arm. Mary would have walked away then for sure; Edith could not envisage her flighty sister allowing herself to be tied to a man in a wheelchair. Edith wished that Lavinia Swire had not died because she had genuinely loved Matthew and she had vowed she would not let him push her away again. Edith had admired her dedication but somehow it seemed alright, even acceptable, for a girl to marry a cripple if he was the heir to Lord Grantham which Sir Anthony Strallan was not.

"Edith dear," Isobel waved her hand in front of Edith's face and she snapped to attention.

"Sorry cousin Isobel, I was a million miles away."

"I could see, my dear," Isobel said gently,"It was a sad thing to have happened but you have to pick yourself up and move on; that's what I tell my girls"

"Cousin Isobel; people keep telling me I need to keep myself busy but it won't remove Sir Anthony Strallan from my head or my heart."

"I know but it might help you focus; when I lost Matthew's father I threw myself into charity work. It dulled the pain a little but it did not stop me crying."

"I love him, cousin Isobel and I always have but no one else seems to know or care. I was happy for Matthew when he regained the use of his legs but it just seems so unfair that Sir Anthony will never be able to use his arm again. I would look after him, Cousin Isobel but he's proud, pig headed and sometimes I could kick him for it but I would be with the man I loved, no matter what capacity it was in; wife or nurse makes no odds to me as long as I got to see and touch him every day. I miss him so much. I know it will never be; Papa and Cousin Violet have made sure of that but don't they care about my happiness Cousin Isobel? Why must I always be the background piece? Sometimes I think I would get more attention in the servant's hall than I do upstairs."

Isobel thought for a moment.

"Matthew told me you have been offered a newspaper column; I read your piece on women's rights and I was very impressed."

"Thank you; I haven't made up my mind yet but I suppose people would know what I thought and maybe even be interested."

Isobel smiled.

"Why don't you write a follow up article about the effects of the war on society; the absence of young men in particular and how men who have been injured are struggling to accept themselves as men and being forced to re-evaluate the lives, marriages and relationships they had before the war in ways they don't really want to. You know very well what angle I mean."

A bright light shone in Edith's eyes.

"Do you know something, Cousin Isobel? I think you have given me a way, however slim, that I may be able to reach out. I won't tell anyone I'm doing it and I happen to know that Sir Anthony Strallan takes the Times."

"I really hope that it helps; Edith dear. You don't need to mention names but write from the heart."

"I will," Edith's face broke into a smile, "Oh thank you so much cousin Isobel."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Edith was very quiet at dinner that night; not that anyone ever really noticed when she did talk. She sensed her father was still smarting about her article. More than likely he would probably prefer that she did not have opinions, much less express them so publicly, perhaps her grandmother was right; she could really make use of her intelligence in writing and maybe in time she would forget her pain; although she knew that could never happen.

In a way she could understand Robert's reticence for Sybil had started out with an interest in politics and a developing social conscience and that had led to her running away with Branson. Tom and Sybil were currently in hiding at Downton and it was likely they would never be able to return to Ireland.

But Edith was not flirting with revolutionary socialism; she had just written about something that concerned her as a young woman.

Edith sighed. She retired to her room pleading a non-existent headache and lay down on her bed fully clothed and closed her eyes. She could see Anthony's face in her mind and those beautiful blue eyes of his made her want to cry. If only she had a photograph or something personal of his to keep close to her heart. He had a handsome kind face which sometimes Edith wanted to slap to try and knock a bit of sense into him.

She flushed when she realised she was thinking of what their wedding night would have been like; she shivered at the idea of him removing her wedding dress and making her Lady Strallan in body as well as name. She wanted to feel his arm around her but knew it could never be.

She had no idea if Cousin Isobel's idea would work of course; all she had was hope. Maybe she could write him an open letter; telling everything that was in her heart but her emotions were still raw and she did not feel like putting them on paper directly but she could write an abstract article with a strong and clear message that would speak to him. It would take careful thought and planning to get it right but since the war had ended she had far too much time on her hands,

She made some notes and draft paragraphs. She would put it all together later but for now it was best to get all her thoughts down as they came.

She was up long into the night writing down all her feelings and experiences. Finally she yawned, sighed and slipped her notebook under her pillow. She fell into bed exhausted and when she closed her eyes all she could see was his face. She shivered; wishing she was looking into his blue eyes.

"Oh Anthony," she whispered, tears streaming down her face,"if only you knew you mean everything to me and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone." Edith was not really religious; in truth she was not even sure she believed in God but she uttered a prayer.

"Dear God. Please look after Anthony for me and fill his life with love and healing thoughts. Please stay close to him as I can't be. Amen."

She finally fell asleep wishing she had something personal of his to hold.

Anna brought her tea the next morning.

"Are you alright, my lady?"

"I'm fine thank you Anna."

Anna seemed a lot more cheerful than she had of late and Edith was glad. She knew what it was like to be separated from the man you loved.

Anna poured the tea.

"I'm trying to get my life back together; heal my heart that sort of thing but it's a lot harder than people think,"

"I read your article my lady. I thought it was very good. I had to wait until Mr Carson was busy though. I think he thinks it will incite the maids to revolution," Anna giggled, "will you be writing another one?"

"I'm working on something. I was up until late last night," Edith thought of the notebook under her pillow, "Anna, when it's done will you post it for me because I don't want my father or Carson to see who I'm writing to."

"Of course I will my lady. I'm going to see Mr Bates on Wednesday and there's a post box near the prison visitor's entrance." Anna tidied a few clothes that were scattered around th room.

"Does the writing help my lady?"

"It does a bit but it doesn't quite take the raw edge of my pain."

"I feel the same way when I write to Mr Bates, I'm angry that he has ended up where he is. Miss O'Brien doesn't like him but even she doesn't want him where he is."

"At least you're keeping his spirits up, Anna, and he knows we're all behind him. I think he is very lucky to have you. I have no one."

. "If I don't speak out of turn my lady I think Sir Anthony Strallan didn't know what a treasure he had."

"You're not speaking out of turn, Anna, because I believe you are right. One day he may realise."

Anna left. Edith drew a breath. Just hearing his name was so painful but a bittersweet pain because she loved the sound of his name too.

Edith had her breakfast and returned to her room to continue what she had started. She noticed her mother looking pointedly at her and mentally dared her to ask if she was alright but Cora didn't.

"I'm invisible," Edith thought bitterly, "No one sees me and no one cares, except for Anthony."

She was in her room reading through her notes and trying to sort them in some logical semblance of order.

There was a knock at the door. Edith opened it and was surprised to see her mother standing on the threshold of her own private space.

"Edith, please can we talk?" Cora asked.

"Yes alright." Edith stood aside to let her mother in and Cora closed the door behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Cora sat on her daughter's bed. After a brief moment of reflection Edith sat beside her.

"What did you want Mamma?"

"Edith, I am very worried about you."

"I'll be alright; I'm the reliable spinster daughter after all," her stone smacked of bitter self deprecation.

" I am impressed by what you wrote, Edith. But let me start by saying I'm also very proud of you," Cora put her hand on Edith's shoulder and she did not push it away, "It's kind of difficult for a mother to accept that her daughter is not a little girl anymore but a woman with feelings and opinions of her own, Your father is proud of you too in his own way."

"Is he? That is not the impression I am getting right now. I didn't even expect they would publish my scribbling."

"You have to remember that Sybil got interested in politics and developed a social conscience and we know what that led to. He is frightened of losing you too. He loves you, Edith, as do I, and he doesn't want to lose you."

"He needn't worry that I will be carried off by some revolutionary, tame or otherwise, to wreak anarchy. It isn't going to happen because there is only one man I have ever loved. But he doesn't want me so I have to get on with it as best I can although my heart is breaking. The very mention of his name causes me pain. I should be lying in his arms in some faceless European hotel. I should be on my honeymoon but I'm not."

Cora put her arm around Edith's shoulders.

"Oh Edith I had no idea you cared so deeply for Sir...for him."

"You never asked, you and Papa never thought to ask even whether I loved him. I think Papa would have been frightened to hear it. Even if so many of the young men known to us hadn't died; there is still only him who has ever made me feel like I mattered. I feel invisible, Mamma. I have lived my life in third place to Mary & Sybil and I am screaming for freedom. I wrote that piece so that maybe someone else would care about what I thought and how I felt. I am working on something new now. It may speak to Sir Anthony's heart, it may not but even if it doesn't I will know I tried to win him back."

Edith's body tensed with convulsive sobbing and Cora held her close and soothed her until she began to relax.

"Sybil and I get on okay but Mary hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, Edith; no one hates you."

"Mamma, I love Sir Anthony Strallan more than I can ever say. I miss him and I don't care that he is injured or too old for me. When Anna looks at Bates she doesn't see a lame man; she sees the man she loves and when I look at Anthony I feel the same. I would have given up my youth and freedom to take care of him. It would have been the willing sacrifice made by a woman for the man she loved. But he didn't want me to do that and in time I may respect that but it doesn't mean I have to like it. Mama, it would have made me happy just to spend every day and night at his side. I feel so empty and I don't think writing will fill that void but I have to try. "

"I don't know what you're writing, Edith, but do you think you can win him back?"

"I don't know. Mamma, but please understand that I have to try this one last thing."

"I understand Edith and I will not tell your father. I admire your emotional strength and moral courage."

"I put undue pressure on him and I know that was wrong and that's why he couldn't go through with it. "

"I really hope that you get what you want, Edith. There are precious few men left and even if there were plenty it would make no difference with your heart set on the one. I love you Edith and all I want is for you to be happy."

"I know, Mamma," Edith smiled through her tears, "Why did Sir Richard Carlisle not expose Mary and the Kamal Pamouk thing like he threatened to? We waited for the blow and it never came."

"I never liked Sir Richard Carlisle and made no secret of it but he did love Mary, far more than she ever loved him, and maybe at the end of the day he made his own sacrifice for love. I don't suppose we will ever know."

"Everyone loves Mary," Edith thought bitterly,"Only one man ever loved me, although we never actually said those words, but he is so far from me now he may as well be in darkest Peru."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**A/N: I enjoyed writing this and owing to the tone of it I think I might well make you wait for the next instalment; just because I can.**

Sir Anthony Strallan stood looking out of the window. He was gritting his teeth; his right arm was troubling him today with sharp shooting pains although he still could not use it. He had taken a couple of aspirin an hour previously but so far they had not made good.

He looked at the bottle of aspirin tablets. How easy it would be to take the whole lot late at night so when his valet found him he would be beyond medical help. It would bring him to a state of oblivion where nothing would ever matter again.

But suicide was the coward's way out wasn't it? After what he had faced during the war he knew he was not a coward.

The idea was tempting though. Suicide by pills was rather hit and miss though; people often survived but with complications and internal damage.

There was the service revolver locked in the bottom drawer of the bureau but he was not sure he could manage to put a bullet in his head with his left hand. But it would be over quickly.

He had to snap out of this now. In the old days before the war he would have gone for a drive and been cheered by the wind on his face as it ruffled his hair, He would have relished the wind as he had in the days when he had gone driving with Lady Edith. He remembered the look on her face as though she was scared by the speed yet comfortable and relaxed with him; laughing as he cracked yet another self deprecating joke. It had been lovely to hear her laugh, see her smile.

Those days were long gone. Edith was gone. He closed his eyes picturing her in that lovely green dress which brought out the creamy hues of her skin, her brown eyes and coppery hair. He remembered how beautiful she had looked in that wedding dress. She was his lovely Lady Edith; was or should that be had been.

Anthony clenched his left hand into a fist. Damn it, why had he allowed himself to sacrifice what was probably his last chance of happiness? Why had he allowed himself to be swayed by Lord Grantham and the dowager countess? They did not see Edith the way he did; to him she was alive intelligent and vibrant. She laughed with him, not at him. He did not think he was weak-willed or easily persuaded but he had proved himself to be just that by his actions that day. He was sure that they had not asked Edith whether it was what she really wanted but in that they were even for neither had he.

It still remained that he was twice her age but she had grown up during the war; it had changed everyone and not necessarily for the better.

Even if he miraculously regained the use of his arm removing that obstacle he could not make himself younger or Lady Edith older. He was not the man he once had been but he still had feelings and he had seen many soldiers cast on the scrapheap; too injured to earn their former living and many committed suicide out of despair following their failure, despite their best efforts, to reintegrate into civilian life only to find that the country had moved on without them and they were playing catch up. He knew that this was true across all social classes and there was going to be a remarkable shortage of eligible husband material for the next few years.

"How can I give up on someone who calls me lovely?" she had asked him. She was stubborn but so was he.

"You must," he had said much as it hurt to do so.

Right now he hated himself for breaking her heart, for breaking his own, for trying to push her away when all he wanted to do was put his good arm around her and make her his own.

He had seen them with a daughter; the image of her mother. He wished he had a photograph of her or something personal he could wear or hold.

He loved her so much and he missed her laughter, her smile and the way she looked at him.

How true the old maxim was; the one about not knowing what you had until it was gone.

"Oh Edith, my lovely," he sighed, "What have I done to you, to us?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Edith read through the article one last time. She smiled; satisfied that she had said everything she needed and wanted to. She folded the papers lengthways and put them in an envelope which she sealed and addressed. It was Wednesday and almost lunchtime.

Anna knocked at the door. Edith looked up and smiled.

"I've just come to see if you have it ready, my lady."

Edith handed her the envelope.

"Here it is."

Anna put the letter in her bag.

"I wish you the best with it, my lady."

"Thank you, Anna. Please give Bates my best wishes."

"I will, my lady."

Now all she had to do was wait but that was something she was used to.

She had to get over this dogged sense of inferiority; heaven knows she had chastised Anthony for it enough times.

Edith went for a walk that afternoon. She would have liked to go for a drive but knew she would end up driving the same roads she had driven with him before the war. She wasn't ready for that just yet; the thought was too painful.

"Oh Anthony my darling," she whispered into the air, "It's my fault for I never should have pressured you. I hope you forgive me one day."

Her mother had said nothing further on the subjects either of Anthony Strallan or her writings and Edith was grateful; it was enough for her to know that Cora was aware of her feelings for him.

She saw little of Sybil at present for her sister was resting more as her time to deliver drew inexorably closer. Mary was often with Matthew but since Edith did not desire her company that did not matter.

Edith almost missed the war. She had had so much to do and so little time back then but now the war was over the reverse was true. She craved company but only from one person.

"I posted your letter, my lady," Anna said that evening.

"Thank you," Edith smiled. She knew that she had reached a point of no return and what would be would be.

"How was Mr Bates?"

"He is well and sends you his best wishes in return. He is trying to keep his spirits up but I know how difficult it is. If I need fresh air I can just go out but he can't."

"Something will turn up, Anna, I really believe that."

"I pray for that to happen every night and day, my lady. I'm not sure if I believe or not but there has to be something out there else what is all this for?"

Edith felt more cheerful at dinner that evening.

That evening after dinner Robert announced that he was going to visit his sister, Lady Rosamund, in London for a couple of days. Edith was secretly relieved because at least he would not be around to vent his displeasure if her article was published.

She went to bed that night considerably lighter in heart and spirit and for the first time since the near wedding she felt hope and she wondered what tomorrow would bring.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Cora was busy fussing over Sybil so Edith took breakfast alone. Carson brought the papers in.

He went out without saying anything which Edith took as a sign; for better or worse.

She flicked through and saw her article on page 4.

Her heart was in her mouth.

She was very pleased with the way it was worded and the fact that nothing had been changed or edited out. Would it have the desired effect on the one heart she truly hoped to reach? Time alone would tell.

Whatever the effect on her personal life; Edith realised that the nation would know that Lady Edith Crawly had a social conscience.

The wrong newspaper had been delivered to Locksley house in error on the day that Edith's first article had been printed.

Anthony's arm had improved from the viewpoint that he was no longer in pain but he still could not use it. His spirits had picked up a little since the previous day though.

He had spent another lonely night dreaming about his lovely Lady Edith. She had looked even lovelier in dreams than she did in reality. He had been surprised when he woke to find that both his face and his pillow were wet from his own tears. Why was he punishing her, punishing himself, like this? He had always said she was too good for him but she had never agreed. He wanted to hold her as best he could and tell her he was sorry but he had changed his mind, that he loved her and needed her as his wife, his Lady Strallan. His head hadn't felt it was fair to ask her to take care of him although his heart had screamed that it was what he wanted. He had not asked her what she truly wanted to be to him and he regretted that; it had not been what he had said that day that haunted him; it was the things that had been left unsaid that hurt the most.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come," Anthony called.

A footman brought in his tea and newspaper which he set beside his master's bed.

Strallan drank his tea slowly; it was a morning ritual and suddenly the thought occurred to him that he really should be drinking tea in bed with Edith. He dismissed the thought as inappropriate.

He opened the Times and began to read. When he came to page 4 his heart stood still.

Looking up at him from the printed page was a photograph of Lady Edith; most likely the image used in her family's Who's who entry.

**THE HUMAN COST OF WAR**

**Lady Edith Crawley; second daughter to the Earl of Grantham, writes on counting the human cost of the Great War.**

He read on; her style was easy to read and engaging. Even had he not known who she was he would have wanted to read on.

**The death toll of the War was tragic enough and when you add the death toll from the Spanish flu it raises a figure that it is hard to estimate much less contemplate.**

**Just because I am a lady does not mean the war did not touch me; it touched all our lives for better or worse. My family home became a convalescent hospital and I took my turn on the wards along with my sisters. We lost people dear to us here at Downton; more than 30 young men were lost on the estate. There is no way anyone can pretend it did not happen for it did.**

**The death toll has implications for women in all walks of life; the lack of eligible husband material for one. **

She was concise and he realised he was extremely proud of her for hadn't he always told her she was being wasted with her intelligence. She had satisfied his intellectual desire for intelligent conversation. If only he had allowed her to satisfy his physical needs as well. He flushed and went on reading.

**The toll of those maimed for life both physically and mentally is impossible to estimate at this time. Those who have lost limbs; or the use thereof, are easy to identify but the man going about his normal daily routine may show no physical signs of injury but he will wake screaming at night from terrible nightmares and if he hears a loud noise he will be shocked back in time.**

**Those who were shell shocked are the hidden injured but all who have been physically injured will bear invisible mental scars.**

**What is His Majesty's government planning to do for these men to whom a debt of gratitude is owed. War widows are entitled to some kind of handout but I have no doubt that should they be lucky enough to remarry that will be taken from them. How can such a paltry sum compensate for the loss of the man they loved? How could any amount of money replace a lost limb, a shattered mind or the loss of self-worth? I know women widowed by the war and subsequent Spanish flu. I am not married but I feel their pain.**

**These men deserve our respect not our contempt; unless they are in possession of a white feather or two in which case; shame on them. They have come back to a much changed country and every day we hear reports of another suicide for someone who had tried to catch up with the country he left behind only to find that despite his bravery there is no longer a place for him. He cannot work due to injury and has nothing. Loss of a limb or it's normal use causes acute lack of self esteem and the sense that if he should marry he will be enslaving a woman to his care. That is not so; a woman should be prepared to make the sacrifice for a man she loves. Isn't it better to be with the man you love even if you have to be his nurse more often than you get to be a wife? That sense of self sacrifice is close to my heart at this time but it is a sacrifice I would make gladly were I given that chance. Women whose husbands and sweethearts did make it back now have to re-evaluate their lives and relationships and make the best decisions they can. I wish them well. **

**What were the war years for if we can so shamefully treat the men who risked their lives for our country what does it say about us as a nation. A great emphasis has been placed on the dead but in doing that, while we honour their sacrifices, we must not forget the living. These men deserve our respect and admiration; not our contempt. It wasn't until 1916 that men were forced into the line of fire. Early on they gave themselves gladly to support our country and far too many made the ultimate sacrifice.**

**I urge you to write to your Member of Parliament and ask him what he is planning to do about the injured servicemen in his constituency; challenge him to look beyond Westminster. As I have said, money cannot really compensate for their loss of self but it can go some way to ease a burden. I was brought up privileged and rich but it does not mean I cannot care. Please remember these men in your prayers and thoughts. **

Anthony had trouble seeing the last paragraph for his eyes were blinded by tears. He knew that the article had been addressed to prick the national conscience but it seemed she had written it purely for him.

In that moment Anthony knew that he would claim her heart back irrespective of opposition. She had laid her heart bare for the nation but he suspected even those related to her would not understand. They had never understood her, never seen her for the special beautiful soul that she was. If he had to run away with her to make her his then by god he would do it.

"I'm so proud of you, darling Edith," he whispered, "I understand now and if you are still willing to make that sacrifice then I gladly accept. I have been through hell without you and I will win you back if it is the last thing I ever do."

Anthony rang the bell for his valet and instructed him to prepare a bath; he would take as long as he needed to make himself presentable. At last his solitary life had regained a sense of purpose he had not felt for a very long time.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Mary was having breakfast at Crawley House with Matthew and Isobel.

"Look at this Mary!" Isobel exclaimed thrusting the Times at her daughter-in-law,

Mary read Edith's article and when she had finished there were tears in her eyes.

"My sister certainly has hidden depths; I have never read anything so beautifully written and all the more poignant for it being true."

Matthew read it in silence but there was no doubt he was moved by what he read.

"It's written to prick the nation's conscience," he said, "and good for her; it has pricked mine and I fought but there is another level here; it was written for one man and one man only."

"I noticed that," Mary wiped her tears, "I never noticed my sister, Cousin Isobel; I never knew or cared how she really felt that day. If this doesn't reach Strallan's heart there really is no hope. If I can do anything to help her get him back then by god I will do it."

"Wait and see what happens," Isobel said, "It is unlikely he will come to Downton as he probably thinks he's the villain of the piece and not welcome."

"I think I understand now why he did what he did and why she has been so tenuous." Mary swallowed, "I did a bad thing once, a long time ago."

She told them about the garden party.

"I was jealous because things weren't going so well with us, "she looked at Matthew," and I envied what they had so I all but destroyed it. I can never forgive myself for that; all I know is the war changed me from the person I was and I need to ask my sister's forgiveness and Strallan's too."

"Why don't you go and see her?" Matthew asked.

"I will. Oh I so hope that it works out. Even Papa and Granny cannot surely raise objections after she has laid her heart bare; I don't think anyone dare challenge her now she has made it clear what she wants and expects from life. I'm rather proud of her."

Isobel put her hand on Mary's shoulder.

"Go and tell her, Mary."

The servant's hall was buzzing; try as he might Carson had been unable to keep Lady Edith's article from the servant's knowledge.

"She tells it like it is," Miss O'Brien said, "I admire her for having the guts to speak out."

"Last time I was out I saw some injured soldiers begging, "Daisy said, "and it broke my heart. I gave them a shilling but I wish I could have given them more; if only for William's sake because if he hadn't been a footman and he hadn't died that could have been him. I miss him," Daisy's eyes filled with tears and O'Brien put an arm around her. Daisy was surprised because O'Brien had never shown her much kindness before.

"William wouldn't want you to be sad, Daisy. I lost a brother and I miss him but we must remember the living too, Lady Edith is right. The dead are at peace but some are still living in hell."

Anna had also read the article but she doubted that most of them had read the emotional subtext; the direct plea to Sir Anthony Strallan's heart.

Edith was in the library reading when Mary came in.

She looked up and sighed.

"If you're going to lecture me about what I wrote then just get on with it."

"I'm not here to lecture you, Edith. I came to say that I am very proud of you for speaking out on what is a very emotive subject,"

"Thank you." Edith was taken aback.

Mary sat down.

"Edith I am so sorry. I was jealous of you and I ruined everything for you and Sir Anthony. I spoke out of pure spite and I can never forgive myself; especially because of his injury. You possess more moral integrity and emotional courage than I ever will and I want you to know I am so proud of you I read the underlying message and I am so sorry, I never realised how much you loved him and I didn't care enough to ask, I am so very sorry."

"I'm sorry too; I should never have written that letter to the Turkish Ambassador but I have grown up a lot since then."

"We all have," Mary said.

She knelt down beside Edith's chair.

"Do you think you will get him back?"

"All I have is hope, Mary. He may not even read the Times anymore, I just knew he used to."

Edith's body shook with sobs and Mary held her sister close; soothing her.

"I wonder if Papa has read it yet."

"If he has there will be fireworks at Aunt Rosamund's house," Edith smiled, "more like an uncontrolled explosion since Granny's there too."

"Papa is intelligent, Edith. No one could ignore the subtext."

"I hope you're right; trouble is even if Anthony has read it he probably thinks he is no longer welcome here."

"Papa is away and Mamma is busy with Sybil," Mary said.

"Yes but he doesn't know that does he? Maybe I should take a drive over to Locksley but what if he hasn't read it; it will be awkward as hell."

But then Carson came in and cleared his throat.

"Sir Anthony Strallan is here to see you, Lady Edith."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Edith turned pale.

"It will be alright," Mary whispered," You've waited for and wanted this long enough. I'll go and see Mamma and Sybil to make sure they don't disturb things and I will put things right with him later."

Mary left the room; she smiled at Anthony.

"Carson, perhaps you would let Mrs Patmore know that Sir Anthony will be dining here this evening?"

"Very good, my lady."

"Tell Mrs Patmore to go easy on the salt," Anthony smiled.

"Don't worry, that won't happen again." Mary laughed.

"You had better go in, Sir Anthony. It's not right to keep a lady waiting. I shall ensure that you are not disturbed."

"Too right Carson, I have kept Lady Edith waiting much too long."

He pushed open the door and went into the library.

Edith stood in the middle of the room; she was trembling.

She looked beautiful; her creamy skin, coppery hair and brown eyes made her appear as a goddess to him.

"Lady Edith, thank you for what you wrote and thank you for giving an old man a good kick up the backside."

"I had to try."

"I was so wrong, I don't mind admitting it. To think I had the arrogance to decide I knew better," he looked into her eyes, "I have been through hell without you, my lovely."

He put his left arm around her and drew her close to his lean body and she put her arms around him and buried her face in his chest; inhaling his cologne and masculine scent which made her feel light-headed in the best possible way.

"Oh Anthony," she murmured, "I have been through hell too."

"I am so sorry, Edith. Thank you for not giving up on me. I really don't deserve you but I accept your right to make that choice. You have earned that right and I am so proud of you; you have so much integrity and emotional courage it swept all my doubts away."

She held him tightly, stroked his back. She felt giddy with emotion as if she expected to faint at any moment but he seemed to sense this and tightened his hold on her slender body.

"I love you Edith," he whispered, "I always have; I am ready now you have shaken me to the very core and made me realise that my life means nothing without you."

"I love you too, Anthony darling," she trailed her fingertips down his cheek as she looked into those lovely blue eyes of his.

He kissed her passionately and she almost fainted as she responded, holding tight to him as though she never intended letting him go. The kiss took her breath away and stirred her heart. She melted into him and felt the fingers of his good hand caress her back. When the kiss broke he was trembling too.

"That's terrific news!", Sybil said when Mary had told her, Tom, and Cora that Edith was in the library with Anthony and she had taken the liberty of inviting him for dinner.

"I'm not sure what your father will make of this," Cora said.

"I think that Edith has earned the right to make her own choice," Mary said, "I'm really proud of her and that is something I never thought I would be. She doesn't see it as sacrifice."

"I quite agree," Tom said, "I should have had a few white feathers myself."

"Well she never gave up on him," Sybil said.

Dr Clarkson had advised that Sybil have complete bed-rest until the baby came. She was bored.

Edith nestled close to Anthony on the library sofa; enjoying the comforting feel of his arm around her.

"I was despairing yesterday," he said, leaning in to nuzzle her neck, "my arm was hurting and I looked at the bottle of painkillers and thought for a moment how easy it would be to take them all and drift away."

Edith turned pale with shock.

"But I knew you would be disappointed in me and that it would break your heart beyond repair; I realised I love you too much to ever do that to you."

"You are forgiven," she said gently, "I understand how lonely you must have been."

"Oh Edith, my lovely lady; I will never break your heart again, or mine."

He released her from his embrace and dropped to one knee taking her hand in his.

"Lady Edith Crawley, will you marry this old fool who was stupid enough to believe he could live without you by his side?"

"Yes," she said without a moment's hesitation, "of course I will; I have been waiting for six long years to hear those words."

He blinked tears from his eyes.

He moved back beside her and drew her close once again.

He looked so relaxed and at peace that Edith knew that she would never let him go. She took his face in her hands and kissed him gently.

In London Robert, Earl of Grantham, his mother, Violet, the dowager countess and his sister, Lady Rosamund Painswicke were relaxing after breakfast; discussing Edith's article.

"It moved me," Robert said, "I have no problem admitting that; this should hopefully shake a few heads in Whitehall into doing something. I never knew that my daughter had so much integrity and moral courage and I am very proud of her."

"I suppose we must raise the Strallan question again," Violet said.

"I believe that Edith has earned the right to make her own choice on that score, mother." Robert said, "I want her to be happy and I am so damn ashamed when I think of my behaviour only a few short weeks ago. She wants Strallan and I have no right to stand in her way. If she was not of age then I would prevent it but she has shown herself to be a caring, compassionate woman who will take no notice. I was angry over the women's suffrage piece but that was more because I feared losing her like I lost Sybil. I never understood Edith, my own daughter, and by god I am ashamed of that."

."I think Edith is a case of still waters running very deep," Rosamund said, "She always has been."

Cora noticed the difference in Edith immediately; her daughter's eyes were bright and her skin shone with a pearly lustre of its own.

Edith was holding Anthony Strallan's hand.

Matthew and Isobel had joined them for dinner.

"Your article was wonderful, Edith dear."

"Well it had the desired effect," Edith smiled, "I just need to know what my father and grandmother have to say."

"Edith; I think you have earned the right to make your own choice," Matthew said, "and you got the whole thing right."

Mary approached them.

"Do you mind if I borrow him for a moment?" she asked Edith.

"Not at all."

Anthony retreated into a corner with Mary.

"I owe you an apology, Sir Anthony," she flushed and swallowed hard, "On the day of the garden party I lied to you, Edith never said you were what I had said. I have punished myself for it for six long years. I was jealous and had no right to be and I am sincerely sorry. I have asked Edith's forgiveness and now I come to ask yours; I was a different person back then."

"We all were, Lady Mary and I accept your apology."

"Thank you, Look after her."

"I fully intend to even though I don't deserve her,"

"No more of that," Mary said, "Edith has chosen you; that makes you more than good enough in my book."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Edith was reluctant to let Anthony go that evening; although she knew that their special circumstances didn't give them license to go to bed together before marriage. She just realised that she would have to give more thought in advance to their wedding night than most betrothed women did. She flushed slightly thinking about it.

"Goodnight my lovely," he whispered. He was holding her close to his warm body and she was tingling all over as was he.

"I really don't want you to go," she whispered.

"I know but perhaps you would care to come to Locksley for lunch tomorrow then we can go for a drive like we used to."

Edith's face glowed with happiness, "I would love that."

"My chauffeur won't go any faster than twenty five and to be frank that's boring; at least we can drive properly."

"I look forward to it already, Anthony darling."

"Then come over about midday and we can spend some time alone together."

She kissed him, "Goodnight my love."

"Goodnight my lovely Lady Edith."

"I'm so proud of you, Edith," Cora said "You have earned the right to make your choice and I will make sure your father and Violet can accept that."

"I'm just so happy," Edith whispered, "he really is a wonderful man and I love him so much more than I ever thought possible."

Cora hugged her daughter.

Edith slept really well that night. Anthony had given her his handkerchief to dry her tears and insisted she keep it. It smelt of his cologne and was stained with her tears. She had pinned one of her favourite gold and pearl brooches to his lapel; he had been touched by the love token. She slept with the handkerchief under her pillow and she dreamt of him but tonight her dreams were relaxed and sweet; not torture that she might never see him again.

Anthony also slept more deeply and restfully than he had done since his injury. He flushed when he woke realising how erotic his dreams had been; even after the words spoken between them that afternoon he still found it difficult to believe that she wanted to share his bed but really, he chastised himself, he should have no doubts. She had fought for the right to love him and she would not have done that if she hadn't wanted him. He was so proud of her for going after that she wanted and he realised that she meant everything to him.

Anna brought Edith her tea the following morning.

"I read your article my lady; we were all impressed downstairs, even Miss O'Brien."

"Thank you," Edith smiled, "Oh Anna I am just so happy. I'm going to marry the most wonderful man in the world and nothing is going to prevent it this time."

"I don't think the others downstairs realised that you were writing to his heart, Lady Edith, but I knew and I'm really happy for you both."

"Thank you, Anna, Your turn will come."

"I know it will, my lady," Anna smiled.

"I'm taking my fiancé out for a drive," Edith said at breakfast, "his chauffeur never goes faster than twenty five and he's bored."

"I used to work for an old lady who never let me go faster than twenty and it was boring." Tom said.

"I had a good teacher," Edith said.

"Your father and grandmother will be back late this afternoon," Cora said, "But just enjoy your day and try not to worry okay."

"I'm not worried, "Edith lied.

Edith drove over to Locksley that morning and the butler let her in.

"Lady Edith Crawley is here to see you Sir."

Anthony smiled as she walked into the room; she was wearing that enchanting green dress he liked and she looked so beautiful his heart melted.

He put his arm around her and kissed her so hard it took her breath away. She stroked his back as she allowed him to draw her close. He felt so good. Edith flushed when she realised she was entertaining thoughts of sharing his bed, of him making love to her. At that moment she knew she would be the perfect wife to him despite her inexperience at undressing a man; she would be his wife and his valet as well if she had to be.

"Penny for your thoughts, my lovely," he whispered, "although your thoughts are of course worth far more than that."

She flushed.

"I was thinking about our wedding night. Women don't usually need to but our circumstances are rather different, not to mention special."

"That aspect of our married life together will certainly be unconventional, my love, but I have no doubt that you are more than capable," he nuzzled her neck and Edith felt like a million butterflies had been released into her stomach, "You have proved yourself more than capable of anything and I am so proud of you and humbled that you believe I am worth the pain and heartache I caused you."

"We don't have to think about that anymore my darling. That was then this is now and I could quite happily stay like this all day," she looked into his eyes, "You mean everything to me and this time I _will_ become Lady Strallan; in more than just name."

"I love you, Edith; to think I thought I could manage to live without you."

"I have chosen you, my darling," she whispered, "I chose you a long time ago."

"I know and I am the luckiest man in the world for it."

After lunch they went for a drive and pretty soon they were speeding through the lanes, the wind in their hair just as they had done before the war. They talked and laughed. Occasionally she reached out and touched his injured right arm which made him love her all the more.

They stopped by a little stream; Edith had brought a blanket for them to lie on. He drew her close to him and she relaxed totally.

"I want you, " she whispered, "I can't think of anything I want more than to be able to undress you every night and fall asleep and wake up next to you. That is all I have ever wanted."

"There is nothing I want more either, my lovely," he whispered.

He took her breath away with a passionate kiss and she caressed him. She was aware of his need but it neither frightened nor embarrassed her.

"I just want a quiet wedding," she whispered, "just my family and our servants."

"That would suit me for I was a tiny bit overwhelmed last time."

She nestled close; aware of how badly she needed him, she always had. She needed intelligent conversation, his self deprecating humour and his admiration.

"You were the first man to ever treat me like a woman," she whispered.

"You were the first woman to treat me as anything other than a wounded war veteran. You have taught me that I can overcome anything and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me. I never used to think I was good enough but the very fact that you chose me means I must be. I had doubts before; doubted I could make you happy but I know now that is all I want and what is more I know I can."

Tears shone in Edith's eyes.

"It's so good to hear you speak in this way at last; understanding that your capabilities far exceed your limitations. I love you so much, Anthony Strallan and together we will show the world a thing or two."

He kissed her.

"I love you too, Lady Edith and together we can overcome anything."

Robert had returned to Downton with Violet in tow.

Cora and Mary had filled them in.

"You're not to stop it this time." Cora said, "Edith has earned the right to be happy with the man she chooses and loves."

"I agree with you, Cora. She has won him back with her emotional courage and integrity. I will give them my blessing and tell her how proud I am of her."

"Violet," Cora asked, expecting an objection at any moment.

"As it happens I am in agreement with Robert. Edith is old enough to make her own choices."

"Hear hear," Mary said, "I have never known Edith look so happy; the way he looks at her."

"Don't be nervous," Anthony whispered to Edith,

"I can't help it, Anthony darling."

"I know you will stand up for what is right, Edith, and us being together has never felt more right than it does at this moment. If they don't like it we can run away and get married."

"I hope it doesn't come to that."

"So do I but the option is always there if needed; you are over twenty-one so he has no power on earth to stop you."

"Sir Anthony Strallan and Lady Edith, my lord," Carson announced.

They walked into the room; Anthony held tightly to her hand and gently stroked her palm.

"Anthony, my dear chap," Robert said.

"Robert, Lady Grantham," Edith could tell he was nervous for his palm was sweaty so she squeezed his hand and he smiled at her.

"Papa, Granny I have accepted Sir Anthony's marriage proposal," Edith said, "We belong together and if you try and prevent it again we will simply elope."

"Edith, I am extremely proud of you for you possess greater emotional courage, moral integrity and intelligence than I ever gave you credit for. You have earned the right to make your own choice for better or worse and I can only see by looking at you that it will be for the better. I am thoroughly ashamed of my behaviour the last time but then, although it is no excuse, I did not know how you really felt about each other."

"Granny?" Edith said.

"I agree with your father, Edith; we just want you, both of you, to be happy and I can see that you are."

"Thank you, "Edith whispered. She let go of Anthony's hand and hugged her father and grandmother. Robert offered Anthony his hand.

"If anyone can make my daughter happy you can; she has made it clear you are what she wants and all I have ever wanted is for all my daughters to be happy."

"I will take the best care of her, Robert. I don't see my limitations when I am with Edith; I see only possibilities and together we can face anything. It has taken a while to get to this point but I love Edith with all my heart and she feels the same way."

"When do you want to tie the knot?" Robert asked.

"We only want a small intimate affair with family and servants," Edith said.

"We also want it to be as soon as possible, "Anthony said, "I have wasted so much time and kept Edith waiting for quite long enough."

He had put his arm around her; drawing her close. Edith's body was tingling all over and from that moment she knew that everything would be just fine.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Three months later

Edith was blissfully happy; she had spent time with Anthony every day and they were more deeply in love than ever. The fact that he was finally beginning to see possibilities, instead of his physical limitations, encouraged her and she in turn encouraged him.

Anna had dressed her that morning; Edith had got a new wedding dress.

"You look beautiful, Lady Edith; Sir Anthony Strallan is a lucky man."

"We're both lucky, Anna," Edith smiled. Her heart was pounding hard, "he is the most wonderful man in the world."

"I know you will be very happy, my lady,"

Sir Anthony Strallan sat in the church; he felt his heart pounding. He could not wait to see her again. At the wedding rehearsal a few days before they had talked about the ring part; Anthony had explained to Reverend Travis that, with the best will in the world, he could not hold Edith's hand _and_ put the ring on her finger.

Edith, ever practical, came up with an idea.

"Reverend Travis, would it be possible for me to rest my hand on the altar rail? If I stand on Anthony's left he will have no trouble slipping the ring on with his good hand."

"That's a good suggestion, Lady Edith," Travis said, "let's try it now and see what happens."

They moved to the altar rail on which Edith rested her hand with her fingers pointing towards Anthony's left. He touched her hand gently, reassuringly, before slipping the ring effortlessly onto her ring finger.

"I think that will work well." Travis said.

Edith looked into Anthony's eyes and saw her own love for him reflected there.

"I can't wait to make you mine, my lovely," he whispered.

Edith flushed, "I can't wait either,"

Now she was on her way to the church sitting beside her father.

"Are you ready?" he asked her.

"I've been ready for this day for so long, Papa; it's hard to believe it has finally come"

"You deserve your happiness, Edith. I am more ashamed than I can say that I had not realised what a beautiful intelligent and courageous woman my daughter has become. I hope that you will be as happy as your mother and I have been, if not more so."

"I could never be anything other than happy with Anthony by my side, Papa. I know we will have different circumstances than most newly-weds but that makes us more special and I know we can make it work."

"I am so proud of you, Edith; I am proud of you for fighting for what you wanted and refusing to give up on him. I'm afraid that the first time we saw only his physical limitations but we didn't realise you saw more than that or that you loved him."

"I put undue pressure on him last time, Papa, but this time it could not feel more right; being without him for those few weeks made me realise how wrong it was."

The car stopped. Edith felt her heart pound.

Robert, Earl of Grantham, took his daughter's arm and she smiled at him. His heart swelled with pride for he had never known her look so beautiful or happy.

They walked down the aisle. When they reached the front Anthony turned to look at his bride and he felt his palms sweat.

They spoke their vows with conviction; never once taking their eyes from each other. They walked over to the altar rail for the ring part and when it was in place he said.

"With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship and with all my worldly goods I thee endow "

They turned and Anthony lifted Edith's left hand so the ring sparkled in the light.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," Travis said.

Everyone walked outside the church. Edith felt like she was walking on air especially when he drew her to him and whispered, "I look forward to having you all to myself later, Lady Strallan,"

"Behave yourself, "she teased.

The wedding breakfast seemed to fly past and before they knew it they were being driven home to Locksley.

Lady Strallan leaned close to her husband and he put his left arm around her.

"If I could have just one wish it would be to have the use of both arms; if only for just this one night."

"We will more than manage, Anthony my darling."

Edith slowly undressed her husband, a little clumsily at first but he understood she had no experience of undressing men. His mouth had gone dry at the sheer beauty of her; every caress reassured him that she loved him and did not care about his injury. He pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. She felt he was trembling.

"It will be alright," she murmured, "this makes you special and undressing you is nothing less than a privilege."

He could not fight the tears pricking his eyes.

"Oh Edith," he murmured, "my beautiful Lady Strallan."

Finally he stood naked before her and she put her arms around him; her fingers tracing the battle scars on his back and chest. She did not seem troubled and every caress was reassurance that she genuinely loved every inch of his body and wanted to be his Lady Strallan in every sense of the word.

"I want so much to be able to undress you," he murmured, "It galls me that I cannot."

Edith pressed against her husband's body; kissing his neck and chest lovingly.

"There's no such word as can't my love," she murmured.

With her faith and belief in him evident he knew he had to try; if only to see how beautiful she looked naked. Gently he unbuttoned her dress; he found it difficult and it took time but he did it exposing the fact that she was not wearing a corset or brassiere.

He was wide-eyed as her dress slid down her body. He wanted to please her more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life.

"I wanted to make it easy as I could for you," she murmured, "most women don't need to think about their wedding night but we are different and special for it."

He lifted her bodily with his left arm for she was light as a feather; he laid her across their bed.

He lay beside her and pulled her slender naked body close to him; he was breathless at her beauty.

"I love you, Lady Edith Strallan," he whispered.

"I love you too Sir Anthony Strallan and you have seen it is possible now."

Finally in the early hours of the following morning he pulled her close and she rested in the crook of his arm. He had spent the night making love to her and she had been fully participant; she propped herself on one elbow so she could study his handsome face.

"You see what's possible now, my love. You never expected to be able to undress me did you?"

"No, I confess I did not."

"It was a real privilege to be undressed by such a lovely handsome man; it's every woman's dream and I got the best, most handsome man of the lot. No small feat in these times either."

He nuzzled her neck and she could feel he was trembling.

"My darling, Thank you for believing in me. Being undressed by you was, well it was the most wonderful experience of my life. I never had much confidence but you have bucked me up for end."

"I am going to go and buy some more clothes that you will be able to remove easily; now you have done it once we know it is possible and I rather like being undressed by my dashingly gorgeous husband."

So he was dashingly gorgeous? He had never been called that before and he knew she meant it.

"You don't have to do that," he said.

"I want to make your life as easy as possible, my darling"

OO

"I wonder how Edith's getting on." Cora said at breakfast the next morning.

"She will be more than managing, Mamma," Mary said, "She makes him feel anything is possible and I'll bet she is blissfully happy."

When Cora next saw her daughter and son-in-law she could see from the radiant look of euphoria in Edith's eyes and the relaxed at ease grace with which Anthony walked that Mary had been right.

THE END

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